“This is not a mistake”, my mother said. And then she took my hand and prayed for me. I cried into my hands. Broke down ugly cry as if I were a toddler. These tears were full of joy and fear and relief in being able to come to my mother with these “good” problems.
I’m preparing to open my first solo show at Waller Gallery. It consists of photography and videos from my life in Brazil, Colombia and Ecuador. Making this show happen has been no easy feat. I’m learning so much about the medium of photography, about the business of art, about collaborating, about being vulnerable and being seen.
Drapetomania was once a medical diagnosis used to explain why enslaved Africans ran away from the plantation. This was a racist and fabricated diagnosis of the human imperative to flee servitude. In her first solo exhibition, Nia Hampton shows the results of her own bout of “drapetomania” after graduating college and moving to Brazil. She captured the following on her journey through South America: environmental racism, African spiritual practices, femicide, black Brazilian feminism, haircut culture, and Love.
taken from WallerGallery.com.
When I took a leap of faith and left for Brazil, I didn’t know enough about what I was attempting to do to fear it. The tightness in my chest and butterflies in my stomach felt more like excitement. I didn’t think it would turn into a photography show opening, I really didn’t forsee this photo show creating a space to host “The Black Femme Supremacy Film Fest”a one day film festival highlighting black people of any nationality who identity with feminine gender expression. Now, post adventures in South America, I’m starting a new chapter. Becoming an artist. A successful and confident one at that. Which means, this blog will change yet again. But I will always share my journey here, cause that’s what it’s all about!
Last month I had the opportunity to catch up with Abdu Ali on his new podcast drumBOOTY radio on maskfm. It’s an incredibly insightful chat about my experiences in South America, most notably Brazil and Abdu’s time spent touring in Europe.
Some journeys happen by accident.
I thought I was moving to Salvador. Like moving moving. I packed art to hang in my new place. Bought an inventory of vintage clothes to sell (because that would be my second hustle). Packed ALL the hair supplies. This time around I was going to really establish myself in Salvador, Bahia, Brazil. Teach english and sell clothes and continue to freelance. Pay my rent on my freelancing. Date a lot and travel and live my dreams. Make more videos! I even got a new credit card. It was a glorious 6 months in a place that is really a second home, but I came to find that the common expression about comfort and growth not being friends is true. As much I love Salvador, I found myself stagnate there. Unfocused. Barely getting my artistic endeavors done. Chasing the wrong people. Having too much fun. And so when the opportunity to go the Ecuadorian Amazon and help Bani Amor shoot some B roll travel footage for their documentary arose, I took it.
It came at a really interesting moment in my life too. I had recently gotten a reading done by my good friend Jasmine Cain, and some repressed sexual trauma came up. It put me in a bad place. A place that I’m still processing and will probably spend most of the year trying to writing about. Suddenly, a trip to Ecuador looked like an escape. For a long time traveling has been my primary method of self medicating. If I was feeling anxious or bored or even uncomfortable, I’d start planning a trip somewhere. A change of scenery always did the trick, until it didn’t. I spent most of January alone in my apartment, crying non stop and feeling worthless. Friends took care of me and helped wean of the small suicidal thoughts but I saw a trip to Ecuador as a potential life saver. In it’s own way it turned out to be just that. I drank ayahuasca in the Ecuadorian amazon with Teresa an indigenous healer and environmental activist who also dealt with sexual trauma in her own life. My decision to leave yet again, seemed like a step in the right direction.
From Ecuador I decided to go Colombia, as I heard of it’s high percentage of African descendant people. I was very close geographically to the country so I felt I had to see it. Cali, Colombia turned out to be harder for me. It’s really developed so I couldn’t rely on “magical” architecture to make feel like I was some place “foreign”. A lot of the Spanish I had before living in Brazil became Portuguese, so I was anxious about talking. On top of that I knew no one. In the past, I’d see it as a challenge to reinvent myself and dive fully into a new place. But I was and still am mentally exhausted. The trauma I’m holding is no longer suppressed. It’s actually on the tip of my tongue at all times. The deep realization that I can’t travel my trauma away emerged and cemented itself in Colombia.
Today, I’m getting on a bus that will take me to Quito, Ecuador and from there I’ll get on a plane and land in San Francisco, California by Wednesday afternoon. I’m in the last leg of my accidental journey. After a month on the West Coast dealing with the same problems that have followed me across continents I’ll make my way back to where they all started; home. And then the real adventure will begin.
If you’re reading this, I’m probably in transit to Ecuador.
Yup, I’m leaving Salvador. Not for forever, maybe not even for long but certainly for now.
I accomplished a few things that I really wanted to while here, like the first episode for my series about the black community throughout Southern America.
Episode 1 is all about the day of Yemanja in Salvador with my favorite photographer and friend Hele Mozao. I hope you take a look, love it and share it with your friends.
Secondly, I finished my ebook of poetry, entitled “What to do with all this Freedom?”. Click the link to get your copy.
Lastly, I’m starting a monthly newsletter, where I’ll be a little more personal and share adventures as this site will soon be holding only my travel series videos. Comment if you want me to add your email address.
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Thank you so much for reading this blog and sticking with me for 3 years! Big changes are ahead, and I’m nervous (as always) but I’ll feel the fear and do it anyway.
“There are black people everywhere. No place you can go in the world that ain’t got no black people, we was the first on this planet.” –Juan, “Moonlight” (2016)
Yesterday completed three years of this blog, GlowingPain.com. It’s been one of my proudest achievements to date. It’s really helped me take myself more seriously as a journalist, producer and traveler. Originally I planned to monetize this blog and devote myself to publishing here at least once a week. But due to the amount of outside opportunities I’ve been given to be paid to write, I’ve fell off significantly. But I don’t feel bad about it. I feel it’s a natural part of the evolution of a blog. A lot has changed for me since 2015. I’ve left and came back to Brazil and will be moving to Ecuador on the 20th of this month. I’m working on transitioning into video content and producing a 6 episode docu-series about black culture in South America. And since I will no longer be living in Salvador, the focus of the blog will broaden. Hence, the logo change. Of course, I’ll always come back to Salvador when I can, because this is really a second home for me. And I still feel it’s a black mecca, especially for other black folks who were bought to the New World as slaves. But for now, excuse the dust or what seems to be a lack of activity on the site. I’m just transitioning is all. Thank you for the support so far, and stay tuned.